¡Menudo pelotazo llevas, colega!

I heard once that the most recognized word around the entire world is: COCA-COLA.

Naw dawg, I can’t get down with that. Unless of course you mix in that typical Spanish, red elixir. The velvety red liquid that comes in a recycled 5-liter, plastic water jug. You know (I know you don’t, so pay close attention), that jug of dark homemade adult grape juice you can find in any Spanish countryhome. The one that fills your “bota” bag. The one that eventually fills your tummy. The one you fear even the tiniest drop ending up on your <enter outdoor gear manufacturer here> jacket or hardwood floor. HELLA HOMEMADE VINO. Here’s a Spain travel hack for anyone interested in learning the ways of a true Spanish:

1) teenager pre-gaming on the streets

2) summer festival goer

3) broke ass young adult

4) homie who can’t drink beer when he or she goes out, cuz “gases”

5) person

CA-LI-MO-CHO.

Wine + Coca Cola.

I watched the entire 2010 Football World Cup (soccer! you country bumpkins!) in my parents’ living room in Northern California.. the year with the undeniably cabalistic octopus, Paul. Remember, he predicted the winners before each match? Remember, Spain got their first gold star that year? REMEMBER????!!!!! South Africa hosted. Do you at least remember all the buzzing noises blasting out of your TV and tingling your ear drums? Those were produced by the traditional horn instrument, which filled the stadiums. VUVUZELA. That’s an Afrikaans word. Charlize Theron is from SA. Ok, back to my anecdote. The games were mostly played in the evening, South African Standard Time. For me: sweet, California mornings. So one of my only soccer-loving friends would come over at 10AM and we would wear red and drink Calimochos. Wine & coca-cola. Straight up.

Since we’re being wicked frivolous with words in all caps Ima just throw this one out there too: FIESTA. Cuz I got another Spain travel hack comin atchu!

FIESTA, though. Spanish FIESTA. It’s infamously what Spaniards are generalized for.  Generalizations are an Anthropologic no-no, but it’s hard to deny that Spaniards are the true queens of party.  Especially when they have so many damn ways to explain  that they have in fact, been partying.

To the 25,000 Erasmus/study abroad students in Spain, this is your official how-to guide to explain to your favorite Iberian that your adult-beverage intake is on fleek. And save money. Oversized plastic cups full might cost you 6 euros. Do that, then answer me this: Are you feeling buzzed? Tipsy? Drunk? Sloshed? Wasted? Sozzled? Pissed (UK)?  Inebriated or loaded? In no particular order, here are some expressions to help the locals really get to know you:

*The following list is limited to what people around these parts say. I’m willing to bet that if I were to hop on over to the next county, there’d be a whole new grab bag of expressions.

Estar:

  • piripi
  • contento
  • chispa
  • tajado
  • jodido
  • pedo
  • ciego
  • tracas
  • guazas

 

Ir:

  • (all of the above)
  • trompa
  • empelotillado
  • castaña
  • piojo

 

Llevar:

  • una melopea
  • una borrachera
  • un pelotazo
  • un pedo
  • un tablón
  • un castañazo
  • un buen melocotón
  • un tajadón

 

If your level of Spanish is intermediate, you will undoubtedly recognize some of these words. In context, a few  of them actually make sense.

‘Ciego’ means blind.

But ‘llevar un buen melocotón,’ literally translates to: ‘wearing a big peach’.

¡OJO!

‘Pedo’ also means ‘fart’.

And

‘Castaña’ means ‘chestnut’, so ‘castañazo’ is  ‘giant chestnut’.

 

De nada.

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